Eyes Where They Need To Be
by Zarius
Summary: Sometimes you have to keep your eyes where they need to be, not where they want to be


**DANGER MOUSE:**

**EYES WHERE THEY NEED TO BE**

**WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

* * *

_You'd think getting a toy three months in advance of Christmas would be an easy way of avoiding the maddening crowds one finds in department stores, it's easy if nobody else had gotten a leaked copy of the script for this episode and realised that was the intention of Earnest Penfold. _

_So now here we are, following the prowess of the world's most reliable sidekick, and he isn't alone..._

"I can't believe you roped me into this, why couldn't Danger Mouse accompany you?" said Squawk as the two pushed their way through the huddled masses of misfit children all scrambling for the latest figures and puppets in the _Melted_ range.

"We're more into _Melted_ than the chief is, besides he's taken Dawn out on some play date while Snuggles goes on some clandestine errand, also you still need that Bumpsidaisy iron shirt variant"

"That was a custom that already went for a high price on E-Bay; you can't find it in the shops"

"Hands off my honker" snapped Penfold as he hastily nabbed the latest Honker the Walrus figurine, complete with a fetching multi-coloured umbrella, from the grip of a child's paw.

"I see you're well into the spirit of giving" Squawk said.

"Hey, there's still three months before I take all of that seriously, now help me hang on to this"

"Just a moment Earnest, I think I spot something"

"Oh what is it, some pinecone for your pecker in the accessory department?"

"No, a Jack Stammer figurine, it's perched right at the top of the shelves up there. I didn't think they sold something like that in here"

"Jack Stammer?"

"Don't you watch any other movies besides ones aimed at the kiddiewinks? Chris Keanu plays him; he's a lone gun out to avenge his dog"

"What happened to the dog?"

"Neutered before his eyes, it was the most harrowing part of the film, definitely not for young ones"

"So what's the toy doing here?" Penfold asked.

"Not the first time there's been a toy made from r-rated films, this happened all the time in the 80s and 90s"

"And we turned out alright didn't we?" said Penfold, stopping someone from grabbing his Walrus figurine with a well-aimed kick to their face.

"No comment" said Squawk

Squawk walked over to the aisle containing the figure.

"Penfold, could you give me a leg up?" she said.

"You want my head for heights I suppose?" Penfold asked, Squawk nodded.

Penfold sighed and titled his head upwards, Squawk placed one foot on it and delicately balanced herself as she clambered onto the shelves, reaching the top and grabbing the figure.

"Penfold, hold out both of your hands and get ready to catch this thing" she ordered

Penfold gleefully extended his hands to do just that. Squawk released her grip on the box and it fell to the Earth.

Unfortunately for Penfold, trying to grab the box meant having to put down his Honker figurine, leaving it prone to appropriation. As soon as he did, a very large and familiar hulk of a pink bear seized the opportunity and took it, distracting Penfold.

"Oi, give it back" he said, and left his position; the box fell and shattered on the floor.

The shattering could be heard far across the aisles and picked up by the ears of department security, who swiftly charged towards the source of the disturbance.

Squawk climbed down the shelves and headed for the exit, grabbing Penfold as he played tug of war with Mr. Snuggles over the Honker figurine, managing to take at least the umbrella with him.

"Great, now it's missing an accessory, Dawn's not gonna want to play with it now" sighed Snuggles and tossed the figurine away.

Penfold and Squawk made it out of the store and back towards the car park, the two stopped to catch their breath.

"I'm really sorry you couldn't get what you wanted Professor, it just shows I have to keep my eyes where they need to be, not where they want to be"

Squawk smiled and placed her hand warmly on top of Penfold's head, rubbing it.

"No worries Penfold, but maybe it'd be better if you just order online next time?"

"I can use your card right?"

"No comment"


End file.
